If You Can’t Find the Words, Write Them Down

When you go to talk, but a bunch of incoherent rambling comes out, try putting your thoughts on paper

“Well, um, I want to spend, like time with my kids. And there’s um, the book, my book. But I am grateful and like, sad…”

These were the words coming out of my mouth as I tried to explain to one of the people I have worked for 11 years why I was leaving my last job. I was feeling a mix of sadness, excitement, and a bit of fear of leaving. There was also my fear of offending the people I had worked with by saying the wrong thing about leaving. Which was not my intent.

So instead of coming off as polished, cool, and in control of my life plans. It felt more like Ralph Wiggum talking to Lisa:

They understood my trepidation and found my lack of verbal aptitude to be funny. As a comedian, I’ll take whatever laughs I can get. Yet, I still wanted to express what a special 11 years it had been and my gratitude for the time I had spent there.

So I wrote down my feelings in a letter.

And it felt so good to get my feelings out for one person, that I wrote several more letters1 to other people who had made an impact on me. It felt good to get it all out on paper.

An added bonus to writing out my thoughts was that I could go back and edit them before I shared the letter. And so if you are struggling saying something to someone. If you can quite find the right words even though your brain and heart are filled with them. Try writing it out. Even if you don’t ultimately give the letter to the person, just the process of writing may help you organize how you feel, and even deal with deep feelings you have.

One piece of advice should you choose to go down this path: just go and write as quickly and without judgment as you can. The goal is not to be perfect, because unlike talking to someone live, you get to go back and edit! The goal is to get all of what you are feeling out. There will be time to go back and edit and refine it later. 

Now get those words down and share how you really feel about, um, stuff.

Make a Good Day,

Cory